Category: Personal Growth

SLOW DOWN

We hope you enjoyed last week’s episode about exercise, from our series on “101 Ways to Cope With Depression and Anxiety”. Over the next seven weeks we will continue discussing over one hundred ways to cope with anxiety and depression. As we mentioned in our episode on depression and anxiety, depression and anxiety can cause discouragement and a sense of overwhelm.

Our goal for the next few weeks is to provide you with a list of coping skills that are attainable.  No one can say that they cannot do any of the over one hundred activities that will be discussing.  That’s encouraging!

Each week there will be a theme for the particular activity that is featured.  We have grouped the one hundred and one skills into ten different themes. We have already discussed God and exercise. We will continue with slowing down, fun, animals and nature, socializing, aesthetics, creating and learning, touch and smell, and helping.  

Today’s Episode

Today’s episode marks the third week in our themes:  slowing down.  In Genesis 2: 8 we learn that God made the seventh day holy and rested. From our understanding of God, He was modeling a behavior that He wanted man to imitate.

We are made in His image, and He saw it fit for us to designate time to rest.  The Sabbath was created for us to set aside work to focus on Him, but also to rest from the work that provides for our living. 

Our list today does not specify anything Sabbath-specific, but it does encourage activities that will create a refuge from the rat-race life; little mini-breaks from the bombardment of work and life stressors. 

If you have joined us in the past two episodes, you’ll remember that we have been using Philippians 4:8 as a guide. Think on things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely and of good report. This verse is the underpinning for the series. 

Whatever is…True

29. Write in your journal.  Journaling has a “purging effect”.  It can organize your thoughts. It helps you to look at issues and ways to overcome them. It also helps you to recognize how much you have overcome in the past. 

Whatever is…Pure

5.  Slow your breathing down. Four Square Breathing is a good way to slow your breathing down which will help everything else to slow down as well.

54. Tense up your muscles and then relax them in a progressive manner. Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) can help alleviate disturbing and disruptive emotional symptoms. This relaxation technique can help your body get out to the fight/flight response.

78. Clean a specific area in your house. People who view their homes as more cluttered find that their depression increases through the day.  Those who see their home as more orderly are less likely to be as depressed as those with messier homes.

81. Stretch. Studies reveal that stretching calms the mind, giving the mind a mental break.

97. Float on a raft or float in a pool.  Floating calms the mind and reduces stress.  It puts you in a state of sensory deprivation, creating a happier state of mind.  It also decreases the sensation of pain.

Whatever is…Lovely

6.  Use relaxation imagery meditation. Guided imagery is great way to disconnect from life’s stresses and focus on something positive and up-lifting.  With this technique, you find a quiet place to relax and then think about the most peaceful environment you can imagine.

9.  Take a leisurely drive in your car. As a child, we would occasionally, usually on Sunday, take a car ride as a family. This was a time to ride around on rural roads looking at nature or new things we had not seen such as a new house.

68. Take a yoga class. Yoga is a good way to slow your body and mind down. When you are with a class, you are more focused on fitting in. This “peer pressure” helps you to stay focused and actually do the disciplined yoga that you might not do on your own.

Whatever is…Of Good Report 

72. Tour a historical battlefield. Traveling and sight-seeing can help a depressed person look beyond themselves and boost their confidence. Visiting a historical battlefield is a way of experiencing an event with others and looking back in time.

Conclusion

Slowing down is an intentional act, not a lazy one. There’s a difference between proactively slowing down for the purpose of re-energizing for later work versus being aimlessly sedentary.

Today’s episode includes several different types of options for you.  If you are home and need to slow down, journaling, stretching, guided imagery, breath-work, and cleaning can provide you opportunities to unwind. 

If you’re looking to be more social, taking a yoga class or visiting a historical site with friends will offer great benefits. God is very creative and has provided His people with a variety of ways to cope with life’s stressors.

SHOW NOTES

We hope you enjoyed last week’s kick-off to our series on “101 Ways to Cope With Depression and Anxiety.” Over the next nine weeks we will be discussing over one hundred ways to cope with anxiety and depression. As we mentioned in our episode on depression and anxiety, depression and anxiety can cause discouragement and a sense of overwhelm.

Our goal for the next few weeks is to provide you with a list of coping skills that are attainable.  No one can say that they cannot do any of the over one hundred activities that will be discussing.  That’s encouraging!

Each week there will be a theme for the particular activity that is featured.  We have grouped the one hundred and one skills into ten different themes.  God, exercise, slowing down, fun, animals and nature, socializing, aesthetics, creating and learning, touch and smell, and helping will be the themes.  

In the last episode, we discussed God as the foundation of where we find peace of mind and provided many healthy activities that you can do to improve well-being and mood. 

In 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20 we learn that our bodies “are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

…Honor God with Your Bodies – EXERCISE

The American Heart Association recommends that we have at least 150 minutes per week of moderate exercise or 75 minutes per week of vigorous exercise. For someone experiencing depression, summoning the motivation to run may feel like trying to pry your feet out of cement. 

Many people suffering from depression have an all-or-nothing thinking habit which discourages them from being active.  They may think “if I can’t run five miles, then I shouldn’t exercise at all.” 

That’s where today’s suggested activities steps in. This week we will take Philippians 4: 8 into the realm of exercise (think on things true, noble, just, pure, lovely, and of good report. Meditate on them.)  Although running is one possible mood-booster, it is not necessary to be physically fit or to improve depression.  

Whatever is…..Lovely

We will begin with walking.  Have you ever noticed that taking a walk seems to clear your head?  It gives you a change of scenery and an opportunity to appreciate the world outside of your 9 to 5 existence (or in the case of someone struggling with severe depression, out of your bed.) Walking has been shown to improve memory, along with many cardiovascular benefits.  

2.  Go for a walk. According to Harvard Health Publishing, walking for 2 1/2 hours per week can reduce your risk of heart disease by 30 %, and some studies show that walking can be as effective as drugs at reducing depression.

If you struggle with the idea of starting the habit of walking or any other form of exercise, remember this:  If for the last few months you have completed zero minutes of exercise, five minutes today is a great start. 

Don’t feel that you must complete an extensive and exhausting workout the first time you try.  Try five minutes today. Try five minutes tomorrow.  That’s still ten minutes this week that you did not do over the past few months. 

You may surprise yourself by going past five minutes! Next week try ten minutes each time.  (Don’t forget opportunities to park further away in parking lots to add some distance for your feet, or to take the stairs instead of the elevator. Find ways to add an extra minute here and there. Your body and mood will thank you!)

Another great way to take in the scenery is to tap into your inner child and ride a bike. You never forget to ride a bike!

10.  Take a bicycle ride at the park. Cycling can help reduce stress naturally.  According to Dr. David Conant-Norville at Vanderbilt University, activities that require quick reactions, balance, and decision-making skills like cycling help control ADHD in children. In a study, adults who performed a short but complex exercise were 40 % more likely to solve a problem that required focus than participants who were idle.

25. Go kayaking down a gentle stream in the mountains.  Kayaking provides an immersive experience of communing with nature, which provides a calming, meditative experience.

48. Go for a swim. Aerobic activity reduces depression symptoms. Swimming in particular offers a quick way to release endorphins – the feel good hormones. At the same time, some of the fight-or-flight hormones are taken up as well, reducing anxiety.

Whatever is…Noble

Being a good sport is a fine quality. That’s why we’re looking at certain activities as “noble.”  They provide the body and mind health benefits, but they also build strength of character. 

8.  Play a sport. According to the League Network, sports stimulate the body’s production of endorphins, the team participation builds self-esteem, the activity promotes better sleep, and the social engagement provides emotional support by sharing a common interest.

34. Run or walk in a 5K race. For those suffering from mild to moderate depression, running can be just as effective as anti-depressants.  Running is so effective, a psychotherapist in California practices “on-the-run” sessions. 

79. Horseback riding. Horseback riding has many physical and mental benefits.  It helps the rider develop greater confidence and to cope with fear.  It increases energy and is a great stress reliever.

Whatever is…Pure

We all have experienced those moments that require intense focus.  When we focus it means we have to eliminate all other distractions and place our attention solely on one thing.  It’s a “pure” action. 

Some people feel close to God when they are outside on the golf course or fishing.  I know this seems like a joke or an excuse, but for some people these activities pull them away from the distractions of other people and concentrates their focus on God’s creation.

17.  Go fishing. Fishing is a great way to spend time in the outdoors, to get some physical exercise, and relax. Studies have shown that a weekend fishing trip can reduce the levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) in war veterans for as long as three weeks afterwards.

56. Go to the driving range. Smacking a golf ball can relieve a lot of tension. Golf requires a lot of concentration which can help get your mind off of other things as well.

Whatever is of…Good Report…

We are told to think on things of good report.  This pertains to others and how we experience the world with them.  What better way to get to know people and enjoy the company of others than to play with them?

74. Go bowling with friends.  Socializing just once a week can lessen one’s chances of suffering from depression, along with improving our immune systems.

Conclusion

How we feel is tied to how we think.  In cognitive behavioral therapy, also known as CBT, we learn that if we change the way we think, then our behaviors, actions, and feelings will change.

Unbeknownst to him, Paul was an early cognitive behavior therapy pioneer.  His letter to the Philippians was all about focusing our thoughts on what is good and that “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” 

Our hope is that our coping skills list are opportunities for you to see that you can do more and be more than you ever imagined all while improving your relationship with God.  

SHOW NOTES

For the next ten weeks we will be discussing over one hundred ways to cope with anxiety and depression.  As we mentioned in last week’s episode, depression and anxiety can cause discouragement and a sense of overwhelm.

Our goal for the next ten weeks is to provide you with a list of coping skills that are attainable.  No one can say that they cannot do any of the over one hundred activities that will be discussing.  That’s encouraging!

Each week there will be a theme for the particular activity that is featured.  We have grouped the one hundred and one skills into ten different themes.  God, exercise, slowing down, fun, animals and nature, socializing, aesthetics, creating and learning, touch and smell, and helping will be the themes.  

This week we will begin with the most foundational and profound theme:  God.  In Him, we move and have our being.  When our focus is on Him, it changes our view of our world. 

We are told in Philippians 4:8 to think on things true, noble, just, pure, lovely, and of good report.  We are told to meditate on them. This is the thread that ties together the next ten weeks for our series.  While we will be talking about God specifically today, His hand is in the different themes we will address in later episodes.  

Science and Faith Collide

Researchers studied the impact of six weekly prayers in hospital patients.  The stress hormone cortisol was studied through saliva samples from each patient.  The prayer intervention showed significant improvement of depression and anxiety, as well as increases of daily spiritual experiences and optimism compared to those who did not.  Wow, this is Philippians 4:8 in action!

Whatever is…..True

15.  Read the Bible. The Bible has many verses and passages that address anxiety. Philippians 4:6-7 states, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Isaiah 41:10 says, “fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  

53. Pray. A study by Dr. Harold Koenig and other colleagues at Duke University showed that six weekly prayers with patients at the hospital reduced their stress and anxiety while raising their optimism.

Lovely

26. Walk on the beach and look for seashells.  The color blue has a calming effect.  Gazing into the ocean literally changes our brain waves, putting the mind into a meditative state.

33. Visit a cathedral or church to view the stained glass windows.  Viewing artwork stimulates the pleasure centers of your brain. It also serves as a positive distraction for those who are chronically ill.  

90. Lay on your back outside and watch the clouds.  Being in nature separates us from the bombardment of technology in our lives and allows us to be alone with our thoughts. Interestingly, a study found that people would rather administer to themselves mild electric shocks than to sit alone with their thoughts.  At the onset of the study these same people said they would pay money to avoid being shocked.  Modern society has indulged this need to be entertained.  Cloud watching is a pleasant form of distraction that will not seem as threatening.

87. Go sailing.  Spending time in nature allows us to slow down and appreciate God’s creation. The chemical composition of salty air balances serotonin levels.  The rhythm of waves have a relaxing effect on the body. 

Good Report

59. Write a letter. Letter writing is a great way to express yourself. It forces you to organize your thoughts instead of letting them ruminate in your mind.  After writing the letter, you don’t have to send it for it to be helpful.

70. Attend a bible study.  Community is important to the wellbeing of those struggling with mental health issues.  Finding a group and a church that is not antagonistic towards mental health can provide support for someone struggling with depression and other conditions.  More churches and church groups are partnering with mental health professionals to give much needed attention to those suffering from depression and other conditions.

76. Write down what you are thankful for.  Making the habit of identifying three things you are grateful each day for even a few weeks can create improvement in depression.  In fact, some scientists believe that the impact is as strong as an anti-depressant!  Practicing gratitude can also decrease overeating, increase empathy for others and improve self-care.

84. Sing a praise song.  Singing lowers the levels of the stress hormone cortisol in the body.  It improves life quality and decreases anxiety. Research suggests that singing as part of group even synchs the heart rates of group members, which is almost like a meditative state.

Conclusion

You have probably noticed that each of these God-themed activities require different amounts of energy and motivation.  Some activities are solitary (just you and God) others involve being with others or nature.

If you are feeling particularly unmotivated, activities such as reading the Bible or prayer may be a good starting point.  Prayer journaling and letter writing may be a next good step.  Finally, working your way up to being a part of a bible study and/or singing in a group will provide great fellowship and give you the opportunity to feel less isolated.

SHOW NOTES

We all have those people in our lives…You know the ones who make us feel guilty on a regular basis. Sometimes it’s your mother, a friend, or a spouse. Whoever it is, it makes you feel miserable.

Would you like it to stop? Here are some tips on how you as the “guilt trippee” can deal with those people in your life that conduct the Guilt Trip train, as I call them in this article “guilt trippers”.

1. Recognize your feeling of guilt (anger, sadness) when it comes on.

During an encounter with your friend or loved one do you feel like you’ve been coerced into doing something you did not want to do in the first place? Do you feel that if you say “no” it will damage the relationship?

2. Understand that you are being manipulated.

More than likely this guilt tripper has done this to you (and probably others) before. They have not been called out on it and get what they want if they lump on the guilt. Unfortunately, the guilt tripper has learned how to manipulate others rather than going about getting their needs met in a healthy way.

3. Acknowledge that this feeling of guilt means that a boundary needs to be set in place.

It is not healthy for you to harbor negative feelings towards another person. After so long, the guilt trippee can begin to become bitter towards the guilt tripper. In order to prevent further damage to the relationship it is going to require you to do something different.

4. Clearly express your feelings and put up your boundary.

Here comes the meat and potatoes of Communication 101 in counseling…You are going to have to “confront” your guilt tripper. Many struggle with the concept of confrontation. 

Understand that confrontation when done in a healthy beneficial way is not becoming loud and/or violent. Anger is not a sin. However, how you handle your anger can be. 

Before you begin talking, make sure that you are calm and relaxed as possible. Maybe pray beforehand to yourself. Make the atmosphere as mild and inviting as possible. Use a neutral tone (not too harsh, but not too mild) and make you body movements casual.

You may want to start with some positive allying statements if you feel that it may help the atmosphere. If not, begin with an “I statement”. “I feel __________ when you ___________.” This way you are owning your feelings. You are not coming off as accusatory. 

If the guilt tripper does not respond positively to your feeling statement, continue with putting your boundary into place: “I will not be able to __________ the next time you ask me to ______________.” Here comes the hardest part of all for the guilt trippee you will have to enforce your boundary.

5. Enforce your boundary

Because guilt trippers are well-practiced, you will have to be firm and unrelenting with the new boundary you have created. Once again, this means stating your boundary without malice.

Understand that you do not have to explain yourself, only put up the boundary. The more words you use the more likely the guilt tripper will focus on something you said and try to manipulate it to their advantage.

Let’s Look At the Bible

Jesus Handling a Guilt Trip

Luke 10: 38-42 is a classic example of a guilt trip. Here’s the passage:

“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what He said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’”

“‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’”

Wow, Martha puts a guilt trip on Jesus! But Jesus does not take that guilt trip. He addresses it directly, gently, and firmly. 

Jesus says her name twice to let her know that he hears her and to calm her. Then he used an allying statement to show that he knows where her heart is – “…you are worried and upset about many things…”

Jesus addresses her guilt trip directly by saying “…only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better…” He tells Martha that she is focusing on all the wrong things in the moment. She is not focusing on bad things, but just things that are less important for that moment.

At the end, Jesus sets a boundary firmly by saying, “…it will not be taken away from her.”

Of course no one can be as eloquent as Jesus, but here are some examples where we can try to be…

Example #1

The Guilt Trip: You are delivering a prescription to an elderly relative. They may say something like “I thought you were going to stay and visit.”

The Response: “I am really glad to see you, and I hope that your back gets to feeling better. But I cannot visit today. I’ll call you Thursday evening, and we can plan a visit.”

The Breakdown: You are respectful to the older person, but you are direct. The first sentence is an allying statement followed by your direct response. Note that you do not give them excuses or too many details. 

The last statement is a way of letting them know that you do want to visit, but it needs to be planned. Do not use this statement unless you really would like to visit them another time. Leave it off and just say “Take care!” 

Example #2

The Guilt Trip: Your wife and you are talking in the kitchen. Your wife says, “You used to hug me all the time…You used to plan your day around me…etc.”

The Response: Set your wife down together with you on the couch. While holding her hand, say something like this, “I feel uneasy or guilty when you say things like – ‘You used to…’ It makes me not want to be around you as much. I feel like you are holding me up on a postal and putting all of these expectations on me. I appreciate you wanting to improve our relationship, but next time you mention this, I will point out the it is making me feel guilty.”

The Breakdown: You are setting the mood or atmosphere by setting your wife down beside you and holding her hand. This is a way to ally with her. (Of course, you are not squeezing her hand like a WWF wrestler.)

You are direct about how you feel, but not in a harsh way. Women need to be spoken to gently. You are articulating your feelings honestly and genuinely as possible.

Lastly, you are laying down a boundary. You will address it each time it happens on a continuous basis. (Note that this does not have to be a long drawn out conversation each time. It can be just a short gentle mention. Of course, your wife may do it on purpose just to get you to hold her hand, if you use this method each time.)

Example #3

The Guilt Trip: Your teenage son has just came off of two weeks of grounding, and now he wants to go out with friends that you have not met. Your son says, “Mom, you let Sally (your sister) spend the whole day with her friends. I never get to spend time with my friends.”

The Response: “I understand you would like to spend time with your new friends, but I don’t appreciate you trying to put a guilt trip on me. No, you may not go out with them today, but you may have your new friends over to our house to hang out and watch a movie.”

The Breakdown: The first phrase was an allying statement showing that you understand what he wants. Next, the guilt trip was addressed directly and firmly. 

The last phrase was a compromise where you allow him to have his new friends over to the house. This accomplishes a few different purposes. You’re still allowing your to have social time. You have an opportunity to get to know your son’s new friends. 

Lastly, this is a good test of the new friendship. If they come over, then they do care somewhat about your son. If they do not, then maybe the friendship is not as strong or healthy as your son may have thought.

A final note…

Please understand that people who are guilt trippers are not all “bad people”. Most of the times these people have not had healthy communication modeled to them. Or they have had controlling people in their lives that has forced them to get their needs met in more subtle ways.