Is selfishness coming between you and your spouse? Luann Grambow, Christian therapist, explains how she found "Hope Found in Paradise Lost."

018 Personal Growth: Luann Grambow on Selfless Love


What do you do when you have strived for a good and perfect life, but life doesn’t go according to plan?  Our guest today, Luann Grambow experienced this conflict and chose to trust God’s actions and take action.  She’s been counseling since 1990 and runs her own practice.

With marriage being her main field of work, she’s learnt about the power of selfless love and spiritual trust.  Prior to all this though, she had an entirely different career and marriage.

The Perfect Struggle

It’s very tempting to strive for a paradisal life. In particular Christians often feel pillowed by God’s protective walls.

Luann takes us back to the scene in Genesis where Adam and Eve lived in Eden.  We’re easily deviated and long for such an Eden.  In reality – just like Adam and Eve’s fall from Eden – it’s a selfish, self-destructive chase for paradise.

Luann wrote her book ‘Hope Found In Paradise Lost’ to highlight the struggles  Christians often face against Satan.  Temptation leads to a divided heart between what God wants and what people around us want.  Luann stresses how deviations like a hurtful or negative thought patterns are mere “soul wounds” instilled by satan to distract our attention from God.

We too easily strive for a ‘perfect life’, where “everything is fine”.  But this pursuit is in vain, Luann stresses that the moment we drop this chase and truly listen to God, things follow the right direction.

“Focus on the creator, not the circumstances”

It’s up to you to listen out for the signs.  When Luann’s first marriage fell apart, she was at first devastated and didn’t understand how this came to happen – she was a good Christian after all.  The circumstances seemed unfair.

Through her trust in God, slowly, she started to recognize the signs around her, as more and more people would tell her she should be a counselor.  God always has a plan, no matter what the circumstances are.  She changed her career in education became a therapist.

Counseling enables people to sit down and piece the signs together.  Signs they may have never really noticed or taken seriously before.

Luann’s role as counselor is driven by God: “The best counseling session is when I’ve never even sensed my own presence, it’s just been tuning into them and letting God speak”.  It’s this very trait of selflessness and empathy that drives a rich relationship with God.

Serving The Right Needs

Luann refers to Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’s book ‘Love & Respect’, which describes how men often yearn for respect, and woman want their emotional needs met.  Through working with lots of couples, Luann has seen how people feel trapped in relationships because they suffer from a divided heart: you want to please your partner as well as God.

The secret to a fulfilling marriage, according to Luann, is serving the needs of the latter – God.  A loved, happy person embeds a loving relationship.

“True humility is not thinking meanly of yourself, it’s not thinking of yourself at all”

We are all part of God’s plan, and we’re here to grow his kingdom.  Luann’s light bulb moment was when she realized she had been asking God the wrong questions: “Don’t ask why, ask what: Lord what do you want me to do?”.  Take yourself out of the centre of the picture and be a part of God’s bigger picture.

Through working with lots of couples, Luann sees how a happy relationship isn’t achieved by meeting the needs of your other half – it’s about meeting the needs of God.

Luann’s career has focused on building trust with individuals and bringing them closer to God through the power of listening.  She gives all credit to God.

She faces an exciting new chapter, as she retires at the end of 2017.  Her selfless love has led to a wholesome life, which includes a happy marriage and a family of children and grandchildren.


Order Luann’s book below:

Is selfishness coming between you and your spouse? Luann Grambow, Christian therapist, explains how she found “HopeFound in Paradise Lost.”

Published by

Vincent & Laura Ketchie

Vincent Ketchie, LPC and Laura Ketchie, LPC are the hosts of Relationship Helpers, a podcast where they discuss family issues and interview relationship experts. Vincent and Laura are licensed marriage counselors.

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