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020 Personal Growth: Feeling Like the Appendix of the Body of Christ

SHOW NOTES

If you have ever been to a play, you may have marveled at the production process. Actors appear magically onstage. Lights project from what seems out of nowhere.

For a brief moment in time, you suspend your disbelief. You immerse yourself into the action onstage.

My Stage Help Experience

Years ago, I could be found twenty feet in the air in the dark, with a c-wrench tied to my belt loop. I hung lights for my college’s theater. Each afternoon I trod in my steel-toed work boots into the workshop directly behind the theater.

I would lift lamps one and two at a time up a catwalk that went above the shop and over the theater. I would secure the lamps on rails and place colored gels through a slot on the bottom of each lamp. I used the ambient light of the lights hung below to be able to see.

This was a requirement of my theater lighting class. When I learned that I would be doing this job, I was a little nervous. It was the trifecta for fears: I would be working in the dark, up high, with heavy electrical equipment.

I took a moment. I braced myself and lugged those lamps up the catwalk. I began tightening the clamps and adjusting the lamps. It was so much fun!

I got to the point where I looked forward to coming to the shop everyday to hang lights. There was something dangerous about it, but it was so worthwhile.

I think the most fulfilling part was attending the performances. The fruits of the collective labor were on display each night as the cast performed.

Working Behind The Scenes

From working behind the scenes, I became keenly aware of what it took to create a performance. The audience sees the actors, but they do not see the design team who designs the lighting, the costuming, the make-up, and scenic details.

They do not see the people who carry out the designer’s vision into fruition. More often than not the team who created the show was much larger than the cast.

I learned that I was a terrible seamstress, but I could hang lights and do scenic painting quite well. Every day, students, professors, and our technical director would put hours of work preparing for the performances. Each student and professor had his niche.

Christ’s Body, The Church

That’s how we are as Christ’s body, the church. When we all use the gifts that He has given to us, we work well off of one another. We are able to go above and beyond what one person can do.

Like the theater description mentioned above, the body of Christ can create so much more when many come together. One person trying to do all the work as well as things outside of that person’s gifts is not productive.

I may have puckered my seams as a costume seamstress, but I could hang and angle a light the way it needed to be. In church, I may better serve as a cook or a greeter as opposed to a finance committee chair, because my gifts are not with numbers.

I encourage you to find out your gifts. Take a spiritual gifts inventory.

Take a look at your hobbies and interests. How do they translate into what you can do for the church?

Does it take stepping outside of your comfort zone? You may be stepping out onto that catwalk with a load in hand, but you will be adding your part to Christ’s body, the church.

You may feel discouraged. You may think to yourself, “I feel like the appendix of the church. I’m here, but I’m useless.”

Jesus and Peter

Take a look at how Jesus handled the future disciples. Peter, the future foundation of the church was in disbelief that he could have anything to offer to Jesus’ cause. His response to Jesus was probably something like “I’m just a lowly fisherman. What use could You have of me?”

Because Jesus is infinitely creative he took the one thing Peter could do well and translated it into what Peter could do for the cause. Peter became a “fisher of men”. He was scared to walk outside of his comfort zone.

Later on he denied Christ three times and acted foolishly on several occasions. But by his faith in what Jesus could do through him, he became the rock that the church was built on.

“If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be?” 1 Corinthians 12:17-19 (NIV)

Not sure how you fit in at church? In “What to Do When You Feel Like the Appendix of the Body of Christ”, Laura Ketchie, a Christian therapist, provides direction and encouragement for those seeking guidance in how they can become involved in their church.

019 Personal Growth: Why I Don’t Like Before & After Photos

SHOW NOTES

Laura Ketchie is a Christian therapist, former group exercise instructor and mom. As a teen, she struggled with restricted eating and excessive exercise habits. She has seen both sides of the struggle: counseled those with self-image issues/taught group exercise, and has experienced the issues herself. Over time she has overcome these unhealthy habits, but is saddened by our culture’s glorification of “even thinner”.

Before and after pictures bother me. Yes, I mean those photos of someone who “lost twenty pounds through this program” pictures. Why? Every time I look at a “before” picture, I see someone loved by God. Every time I see an “after” picture, I see someone loved by God. But for some reason, we are supposed to celebrate the “after” picture. That’s sad to me.

Get this: Before and After pictures are only popular because we make them so. They are a reflection of what our culture clamors for. They place a premium on what could be rather than what is. I’ve become astutely attuned to this lately.

I have seen more “before” pictures that make it difficult to understand why there would be an “after.” In other words, I’m seeing fit people in “before” shots pushing for even fitter “afters.” It all seems too difficult to attain and maintain. It sends a message of “you’re not enough. See this photo of a girl who wears a size two? Well, now she’s a 00.”

Embrace Your God-Given Body

That’s why I’m so excited about what’s happening counter-culture. People are embracing their God-given bodies for what they are.

More and more people in fashion and exercise culture are tossing aside the illusion of perfection and are promoting health. That means that we celebrate each day, not “the day when I weigh this or the day when I can fit that.”

This diversion from pop culture mentality allows us the freedom to be grateful for the bodies we have and have a gratitude mentality. It is hard to have an attitude of gratitude when you are striving for illusion. Punishing yourself for what you look like now does not foster a heart of gratitude for what you have been blessed with.

“We are ungrateful when we fail to recognize how He made us each unique.”

Don’t misunderstand me: I get self-image issues. I’ve been there. All the wasted time on pushing myself to extremes to be someone I’m not. I get it.

It’s taken time through my own struggles with comparing myself to others that has taught me that I was designed intentionally different, just like you were. The Maker did not make a mistake.

We are mistaken when we try to force ourselves into a mold that looks like everyone else. We are not valuing the differences God created in us. We are ungrateful when we fail to recognize how He made us each unique.

Ouch… The point here is not to shame.

I just hang on to the hope that others can experience the freedom of letting go of this need to strive for an illusion of perfection.

We have plenty of nay-sayers in this world. We all need more encouragement. I am blessed to have this forum to do so.

Join me in loving yourself and others today by stepping outside of yourself and considering how a loving God sees you. It’s hard to be negative when you look at yourself that way!

God sees you differently. In “Why I Don’t Like Before and After Photos” I give my personal and professional experience coping with self-image issues and provide helpful tips on a healthy approach to wellbeing from a Christ-centered approach.

018 Personal Growth: Luann Grambow on Selfless Love

SHOW NOTES

What do you do when you have strived for a good and perfect life, but life doesn’t go according to plan? Our guest today, Luann Grambow experienced this conflict and chose to trust God’s actions and take action. She’s been counseling since 1990 and runs her own practice.

With marriage being her main field of work, she’s learnt about the power of selfless love and spiritual trust. Prior to all this though, she had an entirely different career and marriage.

The Perfect Struggle

It’s very tempting to strive for a paradisal life. In particular Christians often feel pillowed by God’s protective walls.

Luann takes us back to the scene in Genesis where Adam and Eve lived in Eden. We’re easily deviated and long for such an Eden. In reality – just like Adam and Eve’s fall from Eden – it’s a selfish, self-destructive chase for paradise.

Luann wrote her book ‘Hope Found In Paradise Lost’ to highlight the struggles Christians often face against Satan. Temptation leads to a divided heart between what God wants and what people around us want. Luann stresses how deviations like a hurtful or negative thought patterns are mere “soul wounds” instilled by satan to distract our attention from God.

We too easily strive for a ‘perfect life’, where “everything is fine”. But this pursuit is in vain, Luann stresses that the moment we drop this chase and truly listen to God, things follow the right direction.

“Focus on the creator, not the circumstances”

It’s up to you to listen out for the signs. When Luann’s first marriage fell apart, she was at first devastated and didn’t understand how this came to happen – she was a good Christian after all. The circumstances seemed unfair.

Through her trust in God, slowly, she started to recognize the signs around her, as more and more people would tell her she should be a counselor. God always has a plan, no matter what the circumstances are. She changed her career in education became a therapist.

Counseling enables people to sit down and piece the signs together. Signs they may have never really noticed or taken seriously before.

Luann’s role as counselor is driven by God: “The best counseling session is when I’ve never even sensed my own presence, it’s just been tuning into them and letting God speak”. It’s this very trait of selflessness and empathy that drives a rich relationship with God.

Serving The Right Needs

Luann refers to Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’s book ‘Love & Respect’, which describes how men often yearn for respect, and woman want their emotional needs met. Through working with lots of couples, Luann has seen how people feel trapped in relationships because they suffer from a divided heart: you want to please your partner as well as God.

The secret to a fulfilling marriage, according to Luann, is serving the needs of the latter – God. A loved, happy person embeds a loving relationship.

“True humility is not thinking meanly of yourself, it’s not thinking of yourself at all”

We are all part of God’s plan, and we’re here to grow his kingdom. Luann’s light bulb moment was when she realized she had been asking God the wrong questions: “Don’t ask why, ask what: Lord what do you want me to do?”. Take yourself out of the centre of the picture and be a part of God’s bigger picture.

Through working with lots of couples, Luann sees how a happy relationship isn’t achieved by meeting the needs of your other half – it’s about meeting the needs of God.

Luann’s career has focused on building trust with individuals and bringing them closer to God through the power of listening. She gives all credit to God.

She faces an exciting new chapter, as she retires at the end of 2017. Her selfless love has led to a wholesome life, which includes a happy marriage and a family of children and grandchildren.

Resources:

Order Luann’s book below:

Is selfishness coming between you and your spouse? Luann Grambow, Christian therapist, explains how she found “HopeFound in Paradise Lost.”

017 Marriage: Date Night

SHOW NOTES

Introduction

Host Vincent Ketchie admits that he has not always been a great “dater.” Sometimes he has been overeager and gone overboard, other times, he has not considered Laura’s feelings when planning a date. Even still, there are times when his attitude is not all that great.

What Is A Healthy Date?

Expectations

Every couple needs to define what a great date would be. Decide where you both feel most comfortable, where you both can enjoy your time together. For some this may mean going out, for others it may mean having a very intentional “at home” date.

If you are a stay-at-home parent or you work at home, going out can create distance between you and your work, which helps to create a more relaxing environment. It is about intentionally creating an atmosphere. Ask yourself, “What are the boundaries I’m putting up to create a date atmosphere?”

Frequency & Duration

It is recommended that couples have date nights once a week, however, some unconventional options such as date days or date afternoons may work best for others. It is important to have an extended time of reconnection, preferably three or four hours at a time.

It is best when you can establish a specific day and time for date nights as it helps to build anticipation and builds a boundary around your special time together.

Conversation

It is important for the couple to decide ahead of time on boundaries surrounding conversation. Date night is not meant for tackling difficult issues. Keep date night free of stressful conversation.

A specific time should be set aside to discuss topics such as business, finances, family problems, and disciplining children. A suggestion would be to call this time “family business time” and have a time set aside specific to it, so that it does not creep into date night fun.

Date night is about nurturing your relationship—a time to learn more about your spouse. Dreaming together is important.

You can talk about the things that excite you—books, movies, activities, trips you want to go on with your family. It could be an opportunity for deep spiritual connection, discussing what you have learned from Bible reading and/or devotions.

To learn how to make the best out of your conversation on date night, please listen to “Five Behaviors That Break Down A Conversation.”

Don’t Lose Sight of Your “Couplehood”

Spouses sometimes get caught up in their own individual lives. Work, family, and other activities can create so much independence in spouses that time to reconnect is paramount. They forget how to have fun together—how to be a couple.

Does Date Night Mean “Sex Night”?

Vincent and Laura discuss the sometimes unspoken expectation that having a date night ends in sex. Laura suggests that this topic be discussed rather than setting up the situation for disappointment.

She does not, however, discourage spontaneous sex. Couples need to communicate their expectations, but be open for spontaneity.

Forget Your Phone

The purpose of date night is to reconnect. Smartphones are a distraction. Discuss with your spouse the limits you two should place on smartphone usage during your date. (This basically means, don’t mindlessly scroll through social media while your spouse is talking. It’s understandable to have your phone for emergencies and if your kids are with a sitter.)

To learn more about how smartphone use breaks down conversation, listen to our podcast episode “Five Behaviors That Break Down Conversation.”

Planning Date Night

Vincent recommends that the husband take the initiative in planning date night. Ideally, dates will involve activities that both spouses enjoy.

Be intentional in planning activities. One date may be an activity that only one spouse particularly enjoys, but with the plans of having other dates that the other spouse enjoys.

Spouse 101

Laura mentions that date night is an opportunity to learn more about your spouse. Consider date night a fun course in getting to know your spouse better! It could be the best class you’ve ever taken!

Get back on track. Has your marriage lost its “umph”? Learn how to reconnect with your spouse through having date nights and how to build boundaries around your special time together.

016 Personal Growth: Dr. Gregory Jantz Discusses Depression and the Whole Person

SHOW NOTES

Hope: Dr Gregory Jantz on the “whole person”

Dr. Gregory Jantz is a best-selling author and eating disorder specialist. With over 30 years experience in this field, he’s the Founder of The Center: A Place of HOPE in Washington.

His most recent book ‘Healing the Scars of Childhood Abuse’, explores the need for some adults to seek the ‘whys’ from their childhoods. He provides hope and useful tools for a happy, balanced life.

Dr Jantz has been featured across multiple national media outlets including CNN, FOX, ABC, and CBS, as he spreads his belief in the power of hope.

Piecing together the puzzle pieces

Dr Jantz’s ‘Whole Person’ philosophy believes that every angle of a person needs to be explored, from their diet to their thoughts and everything else in between. By working as team with other practitioners and specialists we can learn so much more about the person and they got to who they are today. According to Jantz, there’s no one person who decides how a patient should be treated.

When he can, he likes to include the patient’s family or close ones as part of the recovery program. “When a person comes back home, they’ve got to make that successful transition back home”. Having family engaging with dialogues is instrumental for a healthy return home.

Finding the ‘Aha’-moment

Dr Jantz first worked in the special needs section of a women’s prison, “the roughest and toughest group of women”. That’s when he set his mission to help people heal and live a happy life. One of the biggest ‘aha-moments’ for Dr Jantz’s patients are when they learn to forgive themselves, or the person that affected them.

This works for relationships too, “when an individual heals, it has a great effective on the healing of relationship”. If you can love, accept and forgive, you can grown in a healthy relationship. Dr Jantz has seen how letting go the need to be right, and be humble, makes a happy relationship.

He believes that through trusting God to give us wisdom, we have the power to move forward. He quotes from Jeremiah, that God’s plans are to “give you hope and a future”.

Looking to the future

A study from his center revealed that it takes a person on average seven years to finally seek support. Dr Jentz is a firm-believer that you have a choice to move on or stay in your current state of mind. The biggest regret his patient’s have are “I wish I sought help sooner”.

Dr Jantz has noticed some changes in the mental health industry over time. Namely, the development of brain science, and how it can help study depression and anxiety.

There’s also been a big leap in people exploring their faith and spirituality through counseling. Dr Jantz uncovers that ultimately we can use multiple techniques for recovery – it’s not a one-size-fits-all approach.

By 2020, WHO predicts that depression will be the biggest disease on the planet, superseding cancer. But the future is bright for Dr Jantz. He’s excited when he sees the people he’s worked with recover. Having experienced depression himself, he knows it’s fully possible.

You have the choice to live differently and develop healthy relationships. Through Jantz’s career to date, he’s seen some changes in mental health. It’s certainly a tough world to be living in today, but if we all focus on having healthy minds, the world is a much happier, safe and stable place.

If you are struggling with depression or anxiety, check out our episodes on “101 Ways to Cope with Anxiety and Depression.“